So she gave you her number and you’ve got a good conversation going. But what next? How do you get her excited to go on a date?
In this post, you’re going to learn a secret from the world of sales that will help you turn your phone numbers and dating app matches into more dates.
How to Go on more dates?
The Sales Secret: The “Yes-Ladder”
The Yes-Ladder is a sales principle that states that once someone has said yes once, they become more likely to say yes again. So experienced salespeople will try and stack little agreements, or yeses, all the way up the “ladder” until they get to the desired big “yes,” a.k.a. the sale.
On the flip side however, this also applies to saying “No”. The more your prospective date says “I’m busy then” or “I can’t”, the less motivated and excited she will be about the plans, and the more likely she will be to flake.
Although initially, she may have wanted to go on the date, too many perceived obstacles can lead to a significant loss of enthusiasm, and a sense that “it just wasn’t meant to work out.”
So when you’re in the process of scheduling a date, you want to get as many yeses as possible, and as few no’s as possible.
Implementing the Yes-Ladder in Online Dating
The best way to do this is to baby-step into asking about a date. Some guys will ask way too abruptly, by suggesting a date, activity, and time all in one single text. This rarely works because people are busy and there’s almost always a scheduling conflict somewhere in that text.
Instead, you want to draw out the ask a bit, usually into a several-message back and forth. Women like it when you take your time, and this will feel much more smooth and natural. It can also allow you and her to collaborate on what the date will look like.
I’ve also found that when you ask, it’s also best to give a couple of options to choose from. For example, you can say “I’m free this day, this day, and this day, when are you free?” This reduces her decision fatigue since likely she’ll have a free evening in at least one of those three options you suggested.
Fundamentally, all of this is about making the process super easy by removing as much friction as possible.
Real World Formula:
- Suggest the broad concept of hanging out, maybe with an activity that you both enjoy.
- Get more specific, asking when she is free and providing a couple of days when you will be free.
- From there, suggest an activity (here’s a list of nightlife districts if you’re new to Austin and need a bit of inspiration).
- Lastly, set a time.
**Pro Tip: when I was single, I found it was significantly more effective to NEVER plan a date more than 3 days ahead of time. Any further and the rate to which girls would flake would skyrocket. Two days ahead of time was the sweet spot. Additionally, Thursdays are often a good choice because there’s a lower chance she will have plans already, and it’s also late enough in the week that she’ll want to go do something.**
Conclusion
When trying to set up a first date, texting is largely about strategy and making the whole process smooth. If you stack agreements/yeses, try to avoid questions that might result in hard “No’s”, and remove excessive decision-making fatigue for her, and you’ll find that plans seem to “just work out” much more of the time.